7 Ways to Help Your Trans Singers Survive (and Thrive) Right Now

I grew up as a transgender choir kid in conservative North Texas during the ‘90s and early ‘00s. As early as 2^nd grade, I knew that something was different about me, but I didn’t yet have the language to name it. Despite my biology and what everybody else told me, I knew that I belonged with the girls.

That feeling still hasn’t changed at the ripe, old age of 33. Don’t get me wrong, I fought it for the longest time. I played almost every boy’s sport that was available to me (shout out to my often-defeated soccer team “The Beetleborgs”), I acquiesced to the frequent buzz cuts my mother gave me, spent time with male friends, and I did my very best to try to be a boy. I was desperate to not be a “freak,” desperate to fit in, desperate to just be “normal.” Nothing worked. In 10^th grade, I attempted suicide because I couldn’t handle a lifetime of accursed maleness. Luckily, I survived.

In September of 2010, 2 years after my failed suicide attempt, the “It Gets Better” project launched, telling  LGBTQ+ youth to hold on - promising that the bigotry and transphobia we faced would lighten or lift with time. It was much-needed hope in my relatively bleak world. Fifteen years later, as over 820 anti-trans bills flood state legislatures and executive orders strip away our rights for a sixth consecutive record-breaking year it’s hard to not wonder: Have we reached the limits of “better?”

Even as a trans adult with almost 2 decades of LGBTQ+ advocacy and activism under my belt, I have faced a major resurgence of my own depression and nihilism in the face of this adversity. It’s impossible to describe the complex feeling of watching my cisgender friends laugh and carry on singing while my world crumbles and burns around me, with every day bringing more bills that threaten basic civil rights like having a safe place to pee, maintaining accurate legal identification, receiving life-saving gender-affirming care, or simply having teachers/professors be able to use the correct name and pronouns for their students without fear of being charged with a felony and placed on the sex offender registry. Yurchak’s term “Hypernormalization” seems most apropos.

I can only imagine what trans youth with far less resources and support than me are feeling at this moment. I can also only imagine how helpless some choral directors must feel when it comes to supporting their transgender singers and helping them survive all of this. 

Choir has always been a place where I have sought refuge and found strength. I strongly believe that you can use choir, choral music, and community as a way to help your trans singers survive this onslaught. You have so much more power than you know—it’s time to use it. I don’t promise to hold all the answers, but here are a few things that might help.

7 Ways to Show Up for Your Trans Singers

1. Acknowledge the reality.

It might feel like the right move is to try and minimize or ignore the constant erasure and systemic assaults that are currently happening. It’s not. Phrases like “It’s not so bad,” “Everything will be okay,” “This is all just a lot of rhetoric,” and even “It gets better” are not helpful right now. Invalidating or denying our experiences is not helpful. Trying to solely focus on the positives of the situation, or “reframing”, is not helpful (this does not mean you cannot share positive relevant news). Avoid phrases or statements that could come across as invalidating or repudiating.

2. Listen without fixing.

What can be helpful is to simply be a listening ear. This means allowing your trans choir member to talk with you, while you offer a supportive, non-judgmental presence. You don’t have to “fix” anything. Simply showing empathy for what they are going through and providing support, acknowledgment, and validation can go a really long way. Some phrases you could use:

“It’s really scary right now.”
“How are you holding up?”
“How can I help you right now?”
“What do you need? It’s okay if you don’t know.”
“I just want you to know that I support you, no matter what.”
“You are a valuable member of our choir family.”
“You matter.”
“You are loved and supported and welcomed in this space.”
“I see you.”
“I can only imagine how hard this all is.”
“I saw ____ and it reminded me of you.”
“Hey, have you heard this song? I thought you’d like it!”

What’s most important is that you don’t give off a canned, insincere, or dismissive tone or attitude. Give your full, undivided attention to your trans singer.

3. Offer flexibility.

Even for me, there are days when I’m able to show up and do the things that I need to do, and there are days when I am crushed under the weight of it all. Your trans choir member might have some of the same struggles. Try to extend as much compassion as you can to your trans singers right now. This could look like allowing them to take small breaks from singing, being flexible if they need to come to rehearsal a little late or leave a little early, or simply not drawing attention to them. Small acts of kindness and compassion can help shine a light through the darkness.

4. Watch for warning signs.

A 2015 survey from the National Center for Trans Equality showed that 40% of the trans people surveyed had attempted suicide in their lifetime, roughly 9x the rate of the U.S. population. 7% of those respondents had attempted within one year of the survey. After the 2024 election results came in, there was a 700% increase in calls from LGBTQ+ youth to the crisis hotlines of The Trevor Project—the leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. Under “normal” circumstances, trans people are already more susceptible to self-harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts, and we are in a most assuredly unordinary time. Keep an eye out for the warning signs of these things to protect your singer.

5. Educate yourself (so they don’t have to).

The legislative landscape for trans people is constantly changing, especially in 2025. Stay up to date with what is happening in your local community, your city, your state, as well as nationally. The Trans Legislation Tracker is a really great resource that breaks down all of the currently active anti-trans legislation in the U.S., as well as previous pieces from each year since 2021. As you learn new information, share it with others in your network. These types of bills tend to fail, or at least become less harmful, when constituents become aware of them. Educate yourself on LGBTQ+ terminology and experiences. Don’t believe misinformation or false narratives about trans people. If you need some advice on how to create the best choral environment for your trans singers, there are multiple articles on Chorus Connection here, here, and here.

6. Share resources proactively. 

The more resources you can have ready for your trans choir member, the better. On my website, Blurring the Binary, I’ve created a list of resources for both youth/students and directors/educators. These are great places to start, but they are certainly not exhaustive. Try to be aware of local LGBTQ+ support groups or organizations that can provide the support that you cannot.

7. Use your privilege (and your voice).

I have found that too often the members of a marginalized group are the ones who are left to advocate and fight for their own rights. The importance of allies cannot be overstated. If you are somebody who is cisgender (not transgender), please use your privilege and speak up for your trans singers. Call your representatives, attend town halls, vote in your local elections, and demand a return to empathy, respect, and an acknowledgement of our humanity.
 
It is inexorably challenging to be trans right now. Recently, I feel like I’ve been screaming into a lonely void about the atrocities that are currently occurring. What’s been most helpful for me are my friends, colleagues, and mentors not only listening and speaking up, but also being there for me, providing unflinching support amidst the hostility. Now, more than ever, your trans singers need you to be there for them, even if it’s in the smallest of ways.

We want to hear from you! How do you currently support the trans singers in your choir, and what steps can you take to create an even more inclusive and affirming environment? How can you make all of your singers feel seen and heard right now? What is one action—big or small—you can take today to advocate for trans singers in your choral community? How will you extend that to your larger networks and communities?  Share in the comments below!